Finding A Rainbow, in Life's Storm....

We all have those “BIG DREAM WANTS”, you know the ones. The “what if’s” we’d buy if we ever hit the Mega Million jackpot. The things we would consider our heart’s wildest desire, but deep down know the chances of it ever happening are slim-to-none, if ever! It’s so easy to dream of the new car, the fancy boat, luxury vacation home, and trips. Even though it’s a long shot, there is still the joy in just thinking about it. What if though, the thing your heart desired most was a family of your own, but it only seemed like the unattainable “BIG DREAM”?

Jim and Jess were like most couples. The met, fell in love, got married, and knew that one day they wanted children. Never in their worst nightmare did they anticipate the heartache and complete soul crushing devastation they would face along the way. They were both young, healthy, and vibrant. The thought of possibly never conceiving a child, holding their own baby, or knowing the joys of parenthood never even crossed their mind. Why would it?

In 2012, after 7 years of marriage, Jim and Jess finally decided to give it the “ good ole college try”. They were ready to start their family, and begin a new chapter of their life. This unfortunately would only lead down a road that neither were prepared for. Very quickly, their reality started to cave in on them.

Jess and Jim started doing every test imaginable, to make sure everything “was good to go.” After multiple blood test, all coming back “good”, Jess was told she was fine. The next step was to look at Jim. This is when the next blow would be thrown. Not once, not twice, but THREE times Jim was told it was him. Not giving up, and pushing ahead, Jim went for a 4TH test. This time though, the results were read by an actual Urologist. To their relief, it came back that Jim was good….But how could this be? How could they both be “fine”, but still not be able to conceive. After Jim’s final test results came back all-clear, the Urologist suggested digging deeper into Jess’s health. Jess remembered feeling like, “Devastation at this point, was putting it lightly!”

Fast forward to the summer of 2016. After 4 years of failed attempts to conceive, multiple different clinical test, and continuous doctor’s appointments, they were still in the dark; no one could give them an answer. Not willing to give in, they decided to make the trip to Chicago, to see a fertility specialist. This would throw them down a whole new rabbit hole. A rabbit hole that could be compared to a broken roller coaster flying off the rails, at a horror amusement park. Another blow was right around the corner, and neither knew it.

Jess had to endure a litany and barrage of test. More needle pokes, exams, and blood work ensued. Answers….. sometimes all you want is an answer! But, what if the answer you get is worse than not knowing? Jess was diagnosed with PCOS (POLYCYSTIC OVARY SYNDROME). Basically, there was a disconnect between her brain and ovaries. Jess had a hormone imbalance, that was producing too many follicles; which was ultimately leading to the infertility. This lead to 3 rounds of Clomid and 3 failed IUIs. Since natural conception was starting to appear to be more of a fleeting dream, than a reality at this point, the couple was referred for IVF treatment.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with IVF (In Vitro Fertilization), it is not any easy process. IVF can range from $20,000 or higher, per attempt. An “attempt” is just that. There is no guarantee that it will work. Some couple’s have had to have multiple IVF attempts, some have even not been successful. The hefty price tag attached to it, makes this sometimes an impossible endeavor; even for those willing to go the distance. How much are you willing to spend? To risk? Do you take out a personal loan, sell anything of value you have, take another mortgage out on your home? This was the reality Jim and Jess faced. They knew they were in no position to take on a massive loan, at least not at this time in their life; so their dream was set aside. They both remained hopeful, that natural conception would happen, but weren’t holding their breath.

After a 3 year break, in 2019, Jess decided to again speak with her OB. It was decided that she would try a couple more rounds of IUI. Jess remembers the doctor telling her, that if this is the route she wanted to go, he’d do it, but he didn’t think it would ultimately work for her. Jess was determined to exhaust EVERY possible option, anything to keep her from having to due IVF. After completing 2 failed rounds of IUIs, the last being in May 2019, another blow was dealt. On July 20, 2019, less than a month after her last failed attempt, Jess sat at a friend’s baby shower. Not only was Jess’s friend expecting, but so was her brand new sister-in-law. Jess remembers smiling and acting excited on the outside, but inside she felt like she was dying This was the final straw for Jess. She couldn’t sit idly by, miserable, if she truly hadn’t exhausted every possible option. For Jim and Jess, they both knew that being a parent was something they were WILLING to fight for, and now they were READY to fight for it!

On July 22, two days after the baby shower, Jess pulled out a business card she’d been holding, close to her, since April. It couldn’t hurt to call, right? Maybe sitting and discussing stuff with another fertility doctor may just be the ticket. Jess made the call, and this is when “everything started falling into place!” The light was finally appearing at the end of the tunnel! Jess made the call not knowing what to expect, but being hopeful. The doctor is normally booked out months in advance, but not this time….they had a cancellation…….. and it was only 3 days away. Jess and Jim got right in. They began pouring out their hearts and explaining the whole journey they’d been through; all the test, doctor’s appointments, blood work, failed attempts, heartache, etc. In a short 1-2 hour appointment, Jess and Jim left the doctor’s office with more answers and hope, than they had had in years.

On Labor Day 2019, Jess began injections. This will forever be a testament to Jess’s strength, and passion to be a mother. Jess administered a daily shot, that’s right…. I said “DAILY SHOT”, into her abdomen, up until the day of retrieval. Due to a minor setback, Jess’s ovaries didn’t get the memo to chill out, and went into overdrive. Since her body was now “overstimulated”, she had to take a couple week break. After Jess’s ovaries finally joined in on the Zoom call meeting, with the rest of her body,…..a little social distancing humor…and everyone was on the same page, Jess started daily injections of Progesterone shots again. This time though, it wasn’t in her abdomen. Where you might ask? Well, in the words of Forrest Gump, “I was shot in the buttocks.” That’s right, Jess had daily injections, in the butt cheek, for 10 weeks. Parenthood is a beautiful thing, but Jess can literally say that sometimes, “It was a pain in the a$$.”

The photos below are symbolic. They represent a battle fought, and won! Jess and Jim could've caved to defeat. They could’ve accepted their presumed fate, and moved on, only to wonder the “what ifs”. But instead, they won the lottery, and in a couple short weeks will be getting to welcome “THEIR BIG DREAM” into this world.

Finding a rainbow, in a storm.